


almost close enough

by Sweaterknight



Category: Starling - gogglesque & theyoungdoyley
Genre: Elliott POV, Family Bonding, Gen, Grooming, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-06-26
Packaged: 2018-07-18 08:58:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7308463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweaterknight/pseuds/Sweaterknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elliott has some thoughts the night before chaos erupts in his home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	almost close enough

**Author's Note:**

> WOW so i wrote this last night and then i went to the tumblr to check some spelling and
> 
> chapter 28
> 
> oh my lawd
> 
> anyways uh??? this might be canon compliant still? but uh elliott comes off a little softer maybe?? i dunno you guys i just wanted some more fic for this cuz i dont have access to my tumblr anymore and i cant post the old fic i wrote on here
> 
> also here's a [playlist ](http://8tracks.com/sweaterknight/almost-close-enough)that i made

Roy was asleep under all of the pillows.

Elliott had slept, brief and uneasy, between his siblings. For those small moments before sleep, joking with them and settling in, close and warm and loving, he’d wished to wake up years ago. Back when his feathers were still gray, and his sister had still lived with them, and Astris was a design that didn't belong to him. Things had been- not easier, and not uncomplicated. But there had been more solidarity in his family. In himself, even. 

It was getting to be so much. To be so unsure all the time weighed heavy on him.

Roy wasn't making that any easier on him, but the resentment about that had run thin months ago. Now it felt almost like fondness to be gently annoyed at his fumbling, and the wash of genuine rage when he displayed dangerous ignorance subsided faster. Teaching him things was fun, and seeing things through his eyes a new experience that few would get. And now, to see his expressions war with restraint during a clear crisis was very different than seeing him at Astris. 

In a strange way, Elliott was used to chaos. There had always been a series of minor catastrophes going on at home or in his neighborhood, and though he’d been a child and therefore uninvolved, he’d still seen things. Violence, prejudice and harassment, theft, crooked authority, gangs… the list went on. All part of living with others. A symptom of a bunch of peoples with different views interacting everyday and exacerbated by a hostile climate of racial and class stress. Not quite acceptable, but understood, at least.

Roy had clearly never seen anything like it, and Elliott was sure that to somebody, that seemed like a privilege. To Elliott, it was a little sad, and made a bunch of things a whole lot clearer. About Roy, and about humans in general.

Roy huffed quietly in his sleep, shifting so that some pillows spilled away from him. Elliott padded across the room to right his clumsy nest, and paused bent by his side, the pillow in his hands.

Roy didn't look a thing like Jet now. In fact, once Elliott got past the features of him, he was just so awkward and earnest that it was impossible for the resemblance to hold. Surely Jet had never done that nervous thing with his hair, or tried to fold his shoulders in when people looked at him, or wrinkled his forehead when he smiled like wasn't sure if he was allowed to or not. Surely Jet had never thought about being friends with a Stellaraptor, either.

Surely he’d never kissed one.

What the hell had that been, anyways? 

There'd been no time to think on it. there'd been no time to ask or to feel any certain way about it. Now, at the very least for the moment, Elliott paused. He looked at Roy’s strange mouth and thought about how it had been mashed against his own. It had only lasted a second, maybe two. He'd noticed that Roy's mouth was as hot on his skin as an open flame, and that sensation had been what startled him into pushing him away. That Roy was smaller than him now, which was infinitely strange to think about, and that Elliott was much stronger.

Roy had been so afraid, that white part of his eyes visible all the way around. And he'd cried against Elliot's back, great shudders running through him. He'd been practically clinging to Elliott this whole time, desperate for a reassurance that he also wasn't asking for.

That, he was starting to understand. That Jet cast a shadow so large and unknowable that Roy was trying to stretch himself to pieces to fit. He'd read about the concept of masculinity, the archetypes of heroes. He'd discussed Roy's emotional constipation with Kira exactly once, for five minutes, at Astris.

Elliott reached out and very gently traced Roy’s bruised cheek. He gave no sign of noticing. Elliott replaced the pillow. He stood, and waffled for a moment, trying to make himself go back to bed and failing.

Then he heard the baby start to cry, and he went to the sound. Ibber already had them, blinking sleep from her eyes, so Elliott scooped the child out of her arms and began to bounce them as Ibber tended to the Greys, who had started fussing at the noise.

Getting the children sorted soothed him enough that he wanted to sleep again, but Ibber stopped him with a hand on his leg.

“Sleep here,” she said, her words soft, and he let her make room for him in her pillows. She snagged her arm around his head and flung herself back with an exaggerated sigh, and they both giggled quietly until they were comfortable.

“Calibi Red trusts you,” Ibber murmurs, and Elliott huffs into her crown, so that her feathers become disarrayed. She wriggles, kicking at him in the process. It was so nice and easy like this, among his own kind. They could be affectionate and waspish and he didn’t feel like he had to exaggerate anything to make his feelings, his tone, known. It was nice to be understood.

“Yeah,” he says, “and?”

“You trust him, too, or else you wouldn't have brought him here.”

“Are you making a point, or are you trying to wake the babies?” Elliott yawned.

“Just pointing out that people that trust each other and like each other usually tend to end up having sex.”

“Ibber,” he said sharply, and she laughed.

“That's not funny,” he said, and she laughed harder.

“You're gross,” he said, and fumed a little while she laughed herself out.

“I just noticed that you looked very well-groomed when you came back, for someone on their own during a molt,” she said, and he sighed, flopping over on his back, acting about a third more affronted than he actually was.

Ibber sat up on her elbow next to him, eyes gleaming and feathers all puffed with mischievous glee. He glared at her, his own feathers sitting sleek and baleful.

“I notice you're not denying anything,” she trilled. He said nothing, and she shook his arm.

“Look at you, all embarrassed,” she cooed, “like that time I caught you with Kenna.”

“Ugh,” Elliott said, and rolled so that he presented her his back. She only leaned on him obnoxiously hard, poking at him with her elbows some.

“So, hey, did he, you know,” Ibber said, and when she didn't continue, he looked up at her. She gestured meaningfully at her jaw, and Elliott felt himself go very still.

“Oh,” Ibber said and then shook him as hard as she could, “jeez, Elliott!”

“You asked,” Elliott hissed and swatted her back and away. It only lasted a second, and then she was laying on him again.

“Did he know what he was doing?” She asked. Elliott looked her in the eye, and then quickly looked away, but he couldn't stop his guilt from showing.

“Oh,” Ibber said again, and seemed at a loss.

“It isn't the time for this,” Elliott grumbled, “we should be sleeping.”

“The two of you,” Ibber said thoughtfully, “and then today, you saved him-”

“I saved him because he's a good person,” Elliott said staunchly, “and he could change everything for us.”

“Not because you want him, right?” Ibber asked, and the sarcasm there was so light you might miss it, if you didn't know Ibber.

“No,” he said, “Not like that.”

He rolled over more, and Ibber let him go to sleep feeling like a liar.


End file.
